I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
