Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The air was thick with penises
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
