he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
