i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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