burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How external is "for external use only"?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
