relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
