Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
