gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize