He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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