Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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