I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
