My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
