is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
