is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
