Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
