So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
