bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
