It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
