why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize