dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
