she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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