I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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