u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
