Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
