How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
