You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
