The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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