y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
