When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There are leaves in my underwear?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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