You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
