dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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