There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
