Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
