I think my fart just growled at me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i believe in u and ur pee
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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