I can tuck mytits in my pants
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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