Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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