NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
