Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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