I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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