GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
