You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
