Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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