They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
