I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You took a bar mat shot.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
