how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
