the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
