it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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