There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
