help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
