bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
