Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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