Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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