these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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