I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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