apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
