perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
