so that wasnt chicken after all
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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