Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have post one night stand depression
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
