he wants to bone in the snuggie
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
