I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
