and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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