were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
