I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Randomize
