after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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