We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
