She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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