Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
