Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
