It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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