The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, beer. Big fan.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
