do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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