There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
