I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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