New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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