Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
