I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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