Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
