I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
