I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
