just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
