Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
