I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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