I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
