Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
