she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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