I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
