i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
