Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
