Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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