why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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