I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
