Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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