I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
