I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My penis needs a shock collar
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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