speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
